4 Bedtime Habits That May Be Killing Your Sex Life

by Shelley Emling

Finding a longtime couple who complains about too much hot sex is about as unusual as coming across an ice cube in the Sahara. For many, sex can grow a bit mundane after so many years with the same person. But all is not lost. You, too, can revitalize your sex life just by changing even a few of your everyday habits. Having been married for 22 years, I speak from experience. I also learned a few things by reaching out to Huff/Post50 contributor Ken Solin,who’s also AARP’s dating expert.

“If you’re sex life is on auto-pilot that may mean you’re not being fully present when you’re making love with your partner. The same foreplay, position and orgasms are boring after a while,” he said. “While it does require some amount of thought, it’s helpful to try to make love at least a little differently each time. Change the foreplay menu. Avoid monotony by making love in new positions. The words ‘boring’ and ‘sex’ don’t ever belong in the same sentence.”

For additional help, here are four bedtime habits that may be killing your sex life. Have your own ideas? Let us know in comments.


1. An open bathroom door policy.
Yes, I realize the movie This is 40 showed Leslie Mann chatting with her husband Paul Rudd while he was on the toilet, but — really — your partner doesn’t need to see you in the bathroom, or even cutting your toenails, no matter how close you two are. Leave a little mystery in the relationship and reap the rewards in the bedroom.

2. Wearing too many clothes.
I used to wear sweats all the time to bed. Bad idea! You want to have more sex? Go to bed wearing the same kind of sexy lingerie you used to wear when you were dating. Or, better yet, wear your birthday suit. And get ready to have some fun.

3. Asking your partner if he or she would like to make love.
Solin’s advice? “Grab your partner, take your partner in your arms and kiss him or her deeply, without breaking away, until whether or not to have sex isn’t the question … but whether on the sofa, the bed, a chair or the floor is the question,” he said.

4. Paying attention to the TV, your phone or your computer.
Don’t just silence your phone. Leave it — and your computer — in the kitchen. You don’t need them. And don’t go to bed with the news on. Nothing kills the mood faster than the latest tragedy in the Middle East. A few years back, researchers released a study showing that couples who have a TV in their bedroom have sex half as often as those who don’t. Sounds about right to me.